Communication and Emotional Boundaries
Does something about this exchange between Matt, an overworked, overstressed employee, and, Bill, his boss, feel familiar?
The Set-up
“Hey, guy, how’s it going?” Bill asks, with that look Matt has seen one-too-many times. In fact, he’s SO familiar with that look, he begins to dread the next few minutes…
Matt responds: “I’m doing pretty good. You know… ready for the weekend. Going to spend some time with the fam. My wife’s been giving me a hard time about feeling like a single mom. So, I’m taking her and the kids to the coast for the 3-day weekend.”
He tries NOT to make eye contact.
The Pitch
“About that…” Bill starts slowly… “you know, we’ve been backed up with meetings… and paperwork and these new accounts…
Matt interrupts: “Yeah, I know, Bill, all too well. I’m the one putting in the double overtime, and I haven’t made it home before my kids go to bed in weeks. I’ve even missed my son’s first few weeks of baseball.”
Matt realizes he is slightly annoyed – but that’s ok, because maybe Bill will get the hint to go ASK SOMEONE ELSE.
Getting Ready to Give In… Again
Bill pushes on: “I know, Matt, but, the thing is, you’re really the only one I can count on. Everyone else’s work is crap, and you have a good handle on these accounts. It’s like one of you is three of the other guys on the team. There’s no comparison.”
He continues: “Besides, you don’t want to let the company down, right? And I hear the big guy’s been talking about you… maybe you’ll even get that raise you’ve been wanting! With all this work you’ve been putting in, I bet you’ll look pretty sweet come eval time.”
Why is it so hard to say “no”?
And just like that, Matt has been roped into ANOTHER weekend of working—basically ignoring his wife and kids.
His wife says she understands, but he can tell it gets to her. And he feels as though he’s missing out on his kids’ lives.
WHY? Is it because he hates the idea of having to say “No”?
But other people get to say “no”…
He starts to think: If only he were like Scott. That dude has NO family at home and basically spends his weekends playing golf. He knows just as much as he does about the business and accounts, but everyone knows that he won’t give up his weekends.
And that raise he had been passed over on for two years? Scott got it two years ago!
Scott knows how to have the tough discussions.
He’s so comfortable saying “no” and being assertive. And guess what? People still like him. They even respect him!
WHY can’t Matt be that way? He deserves it. He deserves some self-care. He deserves time spent with family. He deserves to feel appreciated for ALL the work he does for the company.
Communication and boundaries go hand-in-hand.
Believe it or not, assertive confrontation is a normal obstacle for many.
Setting boundaries is about communicating what you want and don’t want. Confrontation does not have to be negative.
Having difficulty communicating assertively?
Ok, let’s see…
Do you avoid confrontation?
Does saying “No” feel like saying the “F-word”?
Do you feel guilty for saying something that needs to be said?
Would you rather just keep the peace than speaking up?
Are you turned off by strong opinions? Do people who express strong opinions rub you the wrong way?
Do you secretly envy people who bring things to others’ attention (because you keep things bottled up)?
Do you let too much time pass before you’re honest (by then blowing up or becoming too emotional)?
Now I’ll ask: Does any of the above sound familiar?
I can help…
The truth is… many of us were never taught how to be assertive and set healthy boundaries.
And they don’t necessarily come naturally.
They are learned skills. The more you practice, the better you become.
Eventually, the process becomes second nature – delivered with finesse… instead of robotic and awkward.
The more you put into honing your communication and boundary skills, the more instinctive and effective you will become!
I can help you tackle these communication challenges.
Just think of it…
Confrontation (aka “assertive communication”) doesn’t have to be negative.
Just think of all the ways these communicative skills will help you!
Build self-esteem!
Feeling good about yourself and successfully navigating your intimate, professional, and social relationships is PRICELESS!
Conserve your emotional energy!
It’s a precious commodity and shouldn’t be wasted on just anyone!
Be more Independent!
Enjoy guilt-free decisions and the ability to say “NO” without gagging!
Now is the time!
Nothing is a guarantee. But I can guarantee that if you do nothing, that’s exactly what you’ll get.
Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by CHANGE!